How to Go Back in Time and Prevent Another Time Traveller from Killing Hitler

How to Go Back In Time and Prevent Another Time Traveller from Killing Hitler

Things you need:

• Intention to protect Hitler
• Nerves to not kill Hitler
• Time machine (and working knowledge)
• Baseball Bat
• article “Time Travellers: Please don’t kill Hitler” by Dean Burnett

ATTENTION

Depending on the period of time you choose to meet Hitler in, you will have to act and react differently.

1. Turn your machine on and step inside.
2. If you chose to meet Hitler as a child, continue reading. If you chose to meet Hitler as an adult, go straight to step 16.
3. Choose a period of time between 1895 and 1899 and type it into the board computer of your time machine.
4. When the machine asks you about your destination of time travel, type “Fischlham Volksschule” into the computer system.
5. Once you arrive at school, search for a boy named Adolf Hitler (or Hiedler, Huettler or Hüttler).
6. Engage him in a conversation and act like you two have a lot of things in common.
7. Make him trust you completely (you are now his ultimate best friend forever).
8. When Hitler becomes the leader of the third Reich, stick with him at all times.
9. Avoid to sleep, eat and preferably also to go to the toilet in order to stay with him at all times.
10. Wait for time travellers to come and prepare a baseball bat for the event of an attack on Hitler.
11. When time travellers arrive, knock them out with your baseball bat and tie them to a chair.
12. Wait for them to wake up and explain that behind the facade of being a cold-hearted bastard, Hitler is indeed a nice person and a good friend. If they believe you go to step 13, if not, go to step 14.
13. Free them and send them back to the future. Skip step 14.
14. Get rid of them.
15. Faint from exhaustion or from starvation.

YOU JUST SUCCEEDED IN PREVENTING TIME TRAVELLERS FROM KILLING HITLER: Congratulations

16. Put a copy of the article “Time Travellers: Please don’t kill Hitler” by Dean Burnett in one of the pockets of your jacket.
17. Choose a period of time shortly before 1933 to join Hitler as one of his generals before he becomes the leader of Germany.
18. When you arrive in Germany, join Hitler’s Nazi party.
19. Become close with him by telling him that he will soon be the chancellor of Germany.
20. When he becomes the chancellor of Germany, tell him that once Hindenburg dies, he can be the sole ruler of Germany. Once this happens you have succeeded in making him trust you.
21. As one of Hitler’s generals, position hundreds of security guards around his workplace, house and send at least a dozen of them to accompany him at all times.
22. Stay on lookout for weirdly-dressed people appearing out of nowhere.
23. As soon as one of those people (time travellers) appear, hand them the copy of the article “Time Travellers: Please don’t kill Hitler”. If they decide not to kill Hitler, go to step 24; if they insist on killing Hitler go to step 25.
24. Tell them that you to do not like Hitler, but that the future could change too dramatically for humans if anybody killed him. Skip step 25.
25. Threaten the time travellers that their smartphones will probably disappear in the future if they really do succeed in killing him (this will change their minds).

YOU JUST SUCCEEDED IN PREVENTING TIME TRAVELLERS FROM KILLING HITLER: Congratulations